i jus got home from dropping off michelle and yuleng at home, chilled at OJ's - got some yummy sweet potatoe fries then headed to lucy's to watch "he's jus not that into you.." who honestly thought a movie would be so insightful. if he's not calling, hes just not that into you.. because if he was he would call.. if he doesn't seem to give a shit about you, thats probably because he doesn't give a shit. who knew watching a movie about the men, and relationships would knock some sense into me, and really tell myself to let go.. like B would say "no more S on my chest..."
theres actually been alot on my mind today, i jus don't kno what is worth mentioning and what isn't.. for the past few days, theres been this cloud of happiness over me, something that jus touches my soul, in ways that i never expected, but it is something i had always prayed for. i'm jus glad it came at the time it did, because of this new found happiness i can't say life is all that bad. i tend to question the things i say and feel at times only because i'm afraid i will regret it later on, or said things and thought i felt things due to the moment, but this time i'm forsure. so here's what i've been wanting to say but chose not too, in fear of ruining something so good - something thats taken years to build:
"since day one there has always been something about you that i couldn't explain, its been 6 years and i still find it hard sometimes.. but there are some things i can say, you truly are the one person, who is my complete opposite yet the one person who gets me inside, and out. you know all my secrets, my flaws and my imperfections, but still saw the beauty in me. you didn't finish my sentences, you would jus say whatever it was before i even thought of it. we've gone through alot together, and apart; being apart from you was probably the biggest challenge i have ever exerperienced in my life. being without you, i truthfully believed i would jus fall apart, and many times, i did. expecting you would put me back together because its what you did, but one day you jus stopped and i had to accept my fate and accept the fact you weren't here anymore to keep me sane and keep me together. if there was one thing you always wanted from me, it was to become independent and to never lean on anyone to grow, but to grow on my own, at my own time. a part of me resented you, only because i had grown so attached to someone who i thought at the time was telling me not to be, but i get it now. you only wanted the best for me, you always have..
i'm writing this, only because i think its long past due and that soon enough you and i will really part ways and jus be a memory of eachother's. i jus hope you know that if ever you decide to come home, i will be here, ready to welcome you back.. even it if its just a visit. i'm jus happy that we have both reached that point in both our lives, where we both stopped to think of the other person and concluded that things don't have to be so complicated. i wish you well in all the things you do, and i meant when i said, don't settle for anything short of the best, because you deserve it all.
so.. what i guess i'm trying to say is, that through everything we have put eachother through, there is one thing that will remain the same, you will always be a huge part of my life. whether it be my past, present or future; i hold you dear to me. i know now that whenever my world feels like its falling into a thousand pieces theres that one person who believes in me."
theres actually been alot on my mind today, i jus don't kno what is worth mentioning and what isn't.. for the past few days, theres been this cloud of happiness over me, something that jus touches my soul, in ways that i never expected, but it is something i had always prayed for. i'm jus glad it came at the time it did, because of this new found happiness i can't say life is all that bad. i tend to question the things i say and feel at times only because i'm afraid i will regret it later on, or said things and thought i felt things due to the moment, but this time i'm forsure. so here's what i've been wanting to say but chose not too, in fear of ruining something so good - something thats taken years to build:
"since day one there has always been something about you that i couldn't explain, its been 6 years and i still find it hard sometimes.. but there are some things i can say, you truly are the one person, who is my complete opposite yet the one person who gets me inside, and out. you know all my secrets, my flaws and my imperfections, but still saw the beauty in me. you didn't finish my sentences, you would jus say whatever it was before i even thought of it. we've gone through alot together, and apart; being apart from you was probably the biggest challenge i have ever exerperienced in my life. being without you, i truthfully believed i would jus fall apart, and many times, i did. expecting you would put me back together because its what you did, but one day you jus stopped and i had to accept my fate and accept the fact you weren't here anymore to keep me sane and keep me together. if there was one thing you always wanted from me, it was to become independent and to never lean on anyone to grow, but to grow on my own, at my own time. a part of me resented you, only because i had grown so attached to someone who i thought at the time was telling me not to be, but i get it now. you only wanted the best for me, you always have..
i'm writing this, only because i think its long past due and that soon enough you and i will really part ways and jus be a memory of eachother's. i jus hope you know that if ever you decide to come home, i will be here, ready to welcome you back.. even it if its just a visit. i'm jus happy that we have both reached that point in both our lives, where we both stopped to think of the other person and concluded that things don't have to be so complicated. i wish you well in all the things you do, and i meant when i said, don't settle for anything short of the best, because you deserve it all.
so.. what i guess i'm trying to say is, that through everything we have put eachother through, there is one thing that will remain the same, you will always be a huge part of my life. whether it be my past, present or future; i hold you dear to me. i know now that whenever my world feels like its falling into a thousand pieces theres that one person who believes in me."
to my bestfriend: i miss you, i love you and most importantly thank you. =P
- kaye
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