Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Goodbye.. again

If there's ever been anything I could ever really say, or even think of sayin, it was "I hate you.." for all the things you put us through. I've kept this grudge against you, I always hoped I'd get the chance to yell at you and you in return would tell me what it was that made you leave, what we didn't have to offer to make you second guess your actions or even for a second think, to be a part of your daughters life as she grew up.. I hoped one day all my questions would be answered. Even though your marriage failed, one thing remained constant, I was still your daughter but there was never a birthday card, a single call. Nothing. So I convinced myself no occasion was enough of a reason to think of me and wish me a happy birthday, a merry christmas, a happy new year, nothing was enough.. So I figured I was never enough.. Fortunately you not being there gave my mom this strength I bet she never knew was inside of her - and we did jus fine. For the most part I really do feel hate towards you, but then there's that part of me where I've grown and learned to block people and emotions out incase someone tried to get in. I must admit there's this tiny part that says I don't hate you at all, and even though I never knew you, I feel like a part of me is gone.. forever.

Even though you fucked up and definately don't deserve her love, her respect, her forgiveness and especially her unconditional love.. i know my mom always had, and always will have a soft spot for you, so here goes the one song that will forever remind her of the good times..

Goodbye.

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